I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
