Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
