So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
