We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize