Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
