my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
