So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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