i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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