That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
