Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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