Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
