I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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