you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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