Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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