I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
