ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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