im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
