I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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