I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
