Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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