Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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