my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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