I just pynch a tree in the face
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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