And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
