he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
