i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
