There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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