Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
