I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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