TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
