Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
