if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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