This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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