First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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