On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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