"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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