We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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