Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why is there bacon in the couch?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
