worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pants are for mortals
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
