even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
