Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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