am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
