worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
