Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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