people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
