he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
