Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
