Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
