You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
