I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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