My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
