FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
