i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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