ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
