the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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