I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
