Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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