if you like me you must not know who I am
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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