Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
