She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize