I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
