Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
