my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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