I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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