Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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