I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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