Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
