I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
