covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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