You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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