bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
